Will (Do House)Work for Sex

Will (Do House)Work for Sex

Today's most emailed Yahoo news story carried the title, “Men who do housework may get more sex.” When I read this, my first thought was to echo John Cleese of Monty Python, “More research on the bleeding obvious.” Then I noticed that little word “may,” and I thought, May??!!” How can there be any question at all about this?

According to the news story: "If a guy does housework, it looks to the woman like he really cares about her — he's not treating her like a servant," says Joshua Coleman, a psychologist who is affiliated with the Council on Contemporary Families. "And if a woman feels stressed out because the house is a mess and the guy's sitting on the couch while she's vacuuming, that's not going to put her in the mood."

Any man who has heard, “Not tonight honey, I have a headache,” should seriously ask himself if his wife's reluctance (and exhaustion) has as much to do with the second shift of laundry, cooking, dishes, and putting kids to bed, as it does to a splitting head.

I was also struck by this headline because I had just returned from a three-week trip to the south of Chile where we had hired help to do all of the cooking and cleaning. I have to admit that if I had to choose between the gorgeous scenery, the warm weather, and the fact that for three weeks I didn't have to make my bed, wash clothes, or cook, I would seriously consider giving up the former rather than the latter.

When I entered the kitchen every morning to say, “Buenos dias, Emilina,” and give our resident cook a kiss and a hug, it was truly heartfelt because there was nothing more enjoyable than sitting down to a plate of eggs, coffee, and toast that I didn't have to prepare for myself or anyone else. And when I complimented her on how good her cooking was, it was a tribute not only to her skills in the kitchen but to my profound gratitude that I didn't have to demonstrate my own prowess with a skillet.

It's a commonplace among professional couples that husband and wives these days need a “wife” -- that is someone--anyone--willing to do the traditional female duties of cooking, cleaning, and childcare. My husband and I agreed on that long ago when his response to my complaints of unequal time spent doing chores was, “Okay, hire somebody.” My Protestant work-ethic protested loudly – why should I pay someone to do something I could fully do myself – but the reality of trying to write a dissertation, keep a house clean, and raise kids soon took care of those objections.

In the U.S, we can't afford the kind of live-in cooking and cleaning we enjoyed on our recent vacation in Chile, but even a little help goes a long way, whether it's a weekly cleaning service or a husband and kids performing some basic tasks like making their beds and taking out the dishwasher.

And guys, trust me, she'll be so happy to show you how grateful she is for a clean kitchen, clean clothes, and time off from the kids! "It's a real turn-on," said one mom at a local community center.

So skip the flowers and chocolates. Just get your apron on and clean house!